Fix It, God. Anxiety. Surround Yourself With Love.

Fix It, God. Anxiety. Surround Yourself With Love.

img_3955

Fix It, God

I’ll never fully pour my problems out on here and I’ll never actually go into details about what I am/have been going through. I do not like pity parties! I just like taking my experiences and sharing what I’ve learned from them. If I am being completely honest, I’ve always had mixed feelings about “the church” but I love God. I love a great sermon. I love God’s people who truly are doing the work of God. Saving souls. Religion is such a touchy subject because everyone believes what they believe; Therefore, never be ashamed of your practiced faith. Today, I had the honor of fellowshipping at The Christ Haven which I’ve heard plenty of great things about. I might take next year to go on a church tour because I love seeing the way others worship. It’s so beautiful, especially when they’re welcoming.

As stated, I enjoy great sermons. I like hearing the message and adding it into my own life. “Fix It, God” is apart of the title of this blog! The preacher (God, I wish I can remember his name) spoke about allowing God to handle the Jericho’s in our lives. Your Jericho is most likely different from my own Jericho. Your “Jericho” can be any sort of hardship you may be facing that you’re looking to overcome. You are looking for your very own victory. The Preacher said. “Fix It, God” and explained how a guest speaker during their convocation explained that God is the one who should be fixing the issues of our life. We are here to serve and praise him. Let God work in your life! You just do your part. As I sat and listened, I couldn’t help but think about all of the many things that I sit worry and complain about DAILY.  The many things I try to face off alone – without the help of God. Keep God in your pocket. Keep God in your presence.

Anxiety

Some days are better than others and some days really remind you of the daily struggle. Anxiety is very common so do not think you’re weird if you are battling it. There are days where I think nothing but negative thoughts. I’ll literally complain ALL day, worry, and list all the wrong that’s taking place in my life. Thinking like this slows me down academically, physically, and spiritually. It’s weird because it’s my mental battle but there are time where it is very observable. My boyfriend sees it the most these days and he is constantly reminding me to slow down. That’s my only coping mechanism to be honest. Slowing down and just recollecting myself.

Unfortunately, I stopped seeing a therapist after two sessions but I’d recommend it to anyone. I just figured that I could handle it the best way I knew how which was through prayer and a change of lifestyle. I think your environment and way of thinking will play a role in your healing process. Now, I stay far away from negativity because my brain obviously cannot handle that nonsense LMAO. Besides, I pray a lot for my mental state because anxiety hits way harder when you’re in a bad place mentally and physically. “It’s all in my head” has been my motto as of recently. Think positive and your day will turn out to be positive. That’s why people stress speaking things into existence. Honestly, just do not let it overcome you. That goes for any mental disorder anyone may be dealing with. Never let it overcome you!

I could be being biased but if you know anyone with anxiety please pray for them! If you know anybody struggling mentally, pray for them. Try talking to them and just trying to understand them. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation.

img_0240.jpeg

As stated, our community never speaks on these issues. We’re definitely getting better because I see more and more people seeking help from therapists and just speaking to others about their issues. Life really can be hard! For everybody, including your worst enemy. Just try to maneuver through life and be the best individual you can be. Being an ass for no reason literally does nothing for you.

Surround Yourself with Love

Listen, I’m selfish with myself. Being completely selfish while having a big heart is impossible; However, I have been focusing heavily on my own needs and desires. I’m very particular about my space, time, and environment. Everyone does not deserve to be in my space and that’s for my own good. I already spoke on preferring to stay away from negative energy for my own sanity. I like my peace lmao! It sounds funny but that’s really how I’ve been feeling. Like my life will never be perfect but my current level of peace is at an all time high. I do not engage in anything that’ll cause my life any unnecessary drama or stress. One small inkling of the nonsense will cause me to exit!

IMG_0241.jpeg

Put yourself first by surrounding yourself with love. Everyone close to me knows I’m not capable of speaking to them everyday, but our love is indefinite; Therefore, whenever we do get together it’s always a great time. Surrounding yourself with love includes engaging in activities you love doing with the people you love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 reads, “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.” People that encourage and love you unconditionally is key! I think I told y’all about meaningless relationships already. They go a lot like: no encouragement, no love, no support, and no forgiveness. Also, the people you surround yourself with are a reflection of you. Always keep that in mind.

 

 

All in all, just remember there’s always more to life. There’s always a reason and purpose to keep the ball (life) rolling. Have fun with it!

“I Would Always Treat My Gang Like Family Members”

“I Would Always Treat My Gang Like Family Members”

It’s been awhile! I could come up with 1000 excuses but I don’t even feel like doing all of that. Let’s just cut to the chase. I want to talk a little bit about friendship. I’m at work currently but I like writing when I have a clear mind. It’s pretty quiet now and I don’t want to lose my train of thought.

–But back to what’s in important.

I’m a huge Chance The Rapper fan & one of my favorite songs by him is “Summer Friends.” In the song, he highlights the importance of summer friendships while speaking on the violence that takes place in the city of Chicago during the season. 

img_3711

I’m at an age where I really understand what “Summer Friends” actually means. For some people, summer is THE best times of their life. I’m people actually. I’m happiest during the summer & that’s partially because I hate school lol.  For others, summer is dreadful because we lose people. Inner cities face an increase in gun violence during the summer. Everybody’s outside and there isn’t much to keep people busy and off the streets. NOT THAT WE SHOULDN’T HAVE FUN OUTSIDE. Summer violence is a topic in itself but I’m not really heading in that direction just yet; However, everybody please be safe this summer.

Summer Friendships are usually very genuine, but it also helps you understand who your real friends are. Remember back in grade school when you wouldn’t see some of your school friends until school is back in session the next fall? In middle/high school you begin to classify them as “school” friends. Meanwhile in the summer, you’re having fun with your friends. Like real friends. GANGNEM lol. You have time to learn how to be friends with other individuals and you learn the importance of friendship. As I began adulting, I noticed that you can have “Summer Friends” year round. You don’t have to force energies. There’s relationships we try to keep up with because history/time spent, but it should never be like that. “Summer Friends” is basically an analogy for the genuine individuals in your life. I’m getting older so I’ve began realizing that the number of summer friends isn’t as large as it used to be. That’s expected! 

We grow apart. You realize you and a former close friend(s) really don’t have much in common. Sometimes a falling out occurs and things never go back to what it used to be. Such is life! Peacefully moving on is completely fine. There’s people who don’t believe you can cut ties and still wish people the best. Those are the ones who never look to see where they went wrong in friendships + relationships. In any friendship + relationship, understanding and communication is important. If an individual refuses to come to an understanding through communication that relationship becomes pointless. It’s actually not healthy because there will be so many issues that’ll be put under the rug which will lead to a build up of bs. The easiest thing to do is to go separate ways! I’m not advocating “cutting people off” but I’m a firm believer in subtracting what’s not adding. Quite frankly, everyone and everything does not deserve my time.

A “Summer Friend” aka your “Real Friends” will understand all of this. Throughout the friendship, they should be willing to learn more about you. Key word ‘should’ because people don’t do that anymore. Everyone just assumes they know everything when that’s impossible. We’re growing and changing everyday. Certain things change overtime. People change. Just take the time out to learn a person you really care about. “Day by day” as Ski would say lol. I have life long friendships. I like to call them “My Forever Friends.” We may not speak everyday but they know that the love WILL forever remain the same. It’s never questionable.

The real tea is people much rather scream “they don’t need anybody” than work on themselves to better relationships in their lives. Some just don’t know how to be a friend. Your friend shouldn’t beg you to be there when they’re battling something. You’re supposed to be there instantly. Your friend shouldn’t beg you to support his/her business. They shouldn’t even have to ASK. Off rip, you should be promoting & supporting. AND DO NOT TRY TO SUPPORT THEM WHEN THEY ARE ALREADY DOING GOOD. It’s about seeing the vision nobody else sees. Support them from the roots up! You know who genuinely wants you to do better when they promote on their own. Take a look at your “friends” when you speak of your good news and see how they react. That’ll tell you enough about them and the relationship. Real friends are always happy for their friends. Jealousy, envy, and greed has no room within solid friendships. Respect your friendships at all cost. Never treat them how you wouldn’t want to be treated. It’s very simple.

I titled this “I Would Always Treat My Gang Like Family Members” because I really value the friendships I have. I try my best to show it too; However, I may fall short. But one thing for sure, I know how to communicate because for THEM I’m willing to do so. I’m willing to come to an UNDERSTANDING. I’ll never want the ones I love thinking I don’t care about our relationship. I’ve never been the type to act like I didn’t need anybody, but I don’t need just “anybody.”  Meaning I will never keep a meaningless relationship going.

fullsizeoutput_1bf

Like I said, we change and grow apart but never automatically take that as your peers “switching up.” It’s apart of life! My closest friends and I do not speak everyday & that’s because we all value our personal space. Never get upset with your friend for wanting time to his or herself. Another thing I wanna stress is NEVER SPEAK BAD ON SOMEONE YOU WAS ONCE CLOSE TO. For us females, this is hard because we love to talk. I say we because I’m sure we’ve all been guilty of this. That’s just what we do. But when you and someone fall out please peacefully move on with your life. The tweets, memes, post, or whatever shady gesture you do really won’t change much. Save yourself the time sis!

One thing I’ve learned is that if your heart is pure and you do your part in any relationship you’ll always come out on top. A clear conscious is always the best feeling.

What School Didn’t Teach Us

What School Didn’t Teach Us

Surviving High School

img_2914Surviving High School was a suggested topic from some of you guys, but I could not find myself to push that article. To be completely honest, I’d go back and do things differently. Overall those four years was really eventful, but I would’ve done way more if I knew time would fly past that fast! I feel like we focus too much on the negatives of school sometimes. High-school can be trying for ALL because we face challenges personally and academically; However, High-school is meant to be memorable. We meet good/ bad people, some for a good time and not a long time. We also meet people who become big pieces in our life. One thing High Schoo taught me was how to treat others. Everyone comes from different walks of life, but sometimes we disregard that. I learned that the least I owe every human was basic respect!

I cannot leave you guys hanging, so I will tell you guys what kept me sane.

  1. First and foremost, God and prayers. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself and I forget that God is bigger than every issue thrown at me. Not to mention, I come from a praying background and I know their prayers are STILL working in my life.
  2. A good circle. I’ve made lifelong relationships built on mindset and similar beliefs. Opposites attract but you need people who are likeminded to keep you going.
  3. High School is what you make it! Get involved, go to games, and do stuff.
  4. Lastly, high school is not forever. It’ll end one day and I promise you the feeling is very bittersweet. Make it memorable please please please.

Yes, school sucks but if you are still in high-school make the best of it. Just like anything else in life because once it’s over, it’s over. Now, I’m trying to “survive college” BUT this time around I have a way different outlook on life. Everyone’s high-school experience is completely different! My biggest frustration with high school is that it seemed like I just went to pass. Believe it or not, I love learning especially when it’s information I can take and use down the line. College was big for me for two reasons: I’ll be a first generation graduate and I’ll be learning skills that will be beneficial to my aspiring career.

Here’s what we missed!

The school did not teach us HOW to learn. A friend of mine suggested that I watch this video and do a blog on the topic. Shoutout to him because it’s great content! I feel like you guys may find it to be informative as well.

Hopefully, y’all watched or will watch! I found it crazy to think that I may actually check my Instagram about 150 times a day. Even crazier, the average person struggles to go over ten minutes without checking their phone. Fortunately for us, we don’t have to take full blame for this problem. These companies know what they are doing when they put together these apps for us. They have a full understanding of why we do it and how the process takes place. The video explains all of this.

There are five primary brain waves states: Beta, Theta, Alpha, Delta, and Gamma. Beta is when you are awake and alert. Delta is when you are asleep. Theta is a deep form of relaxation. Alphas is another form of relaxation. Gamma is a state of high performance. Schools never taught us the importance of theta and alpha, nor did they tell us how imperative they are for learning. Theta is a stage where we are in and out of sleep, but it is also when we are most creative. You’re deeply relaxed so your mind is allowed to create. Think of showers. We are relaxed as the water runs allowing us to basically just think without disruption. When in an Alpha, you’re in “a state of learning” and your mind subtracts any sort of critical thinking. Like when we watch Love & Hip Hop or Basketball.  We do not want to hear anybody interrupting; Therefore, certain things go in and out of the ear.

We lack the basic fundamentals to learning how to learn which includes critical thinking, focusing, concentration, retention, recall, remembering, solving problems etc. All we’ve been taught to do was PASS. Some of us barely add what you said but that’s due to the pressure we face trying to pass. We can barely retain the stuff we are learning. Within two days, 48% of the info you’ve learned is gone because we were never trained. If we are picking up our phones early in the morning, which when is??? we are in the Alpha-Theta stages, is that a problem? YES YES YES *MY VOICE*

Here’s Why

  1. It detaches us from the real world.

  2. Less productive and less performative

  3. Distracts us

  4. We lack mindfulness

That’s what we have trained our brain to do. That’s what WE are. Truth is, we are very lazy and lack control of our life. That’s a conversation y’all not ready for though. You may have heard the term mindfulness before. Mindfulness is big for those who meditate. It can be described as maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and the surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. It is a mental exercise which emphasizes being in the present moment. We need to use this practice when we are looking at life and taking control of every vision we have for life.

We can turn this bad habit around by simply studying our brain. Jim Kwik, the man speaking in the video, spoke on how knowledge really isn’t power. Knowledge only becomes power when we use it. There’s a process of focusing and creativity. What do I mean? Allow your mind to turn your words into actions. Train your mind to become productive. You can start by doing one productive activity in the morning before you touch your phone. Little do we know, our phones have trained our mind to be reactive. The first thing you see when you wake up can shift your entire mood which can make your day. That’s such a terrible way to live life! Take control of it NOW before it is too late. We refrain from doing A LOT because we are trying to “react” to everyone else’s agenda for your life. This can and will be hard, but it is a process that will lead to progress.

Jim said, “The happiest people are the ones in control of their own life.”

Tu’s Thoughts!

Tu’s Thoughts!

WELCOME BACK!

IMG_0523

Just in case you guys forgot what I look like!  I took about 2-3 weeks off, school and life have been kicking my butt. Let’s not fully place blame them though, I’ve been a little lazy. I am in better spirits, so I am back with something for you guys. One thing I did not want to do was try to rush an article and not give it my all because that’s just not me. Hope you guys enjoy this one! I appreciate all the love I have been getting. Thanks again.

Xoxo, Fatu W. 

During my little hiatus, I had a lot of time to think about different things. Social Media always plays a role in these issues that I tend to bring forward, so I once again blame the socials.  BE YOURSELF ALWAYS. 

 

TODAY I WANT TO DISCUSS:

Cosmetic Surgery

Clout Chasing 

Social Cleanses

 

“LEFT THE DOCTOR W/ A NEW SHAPE”

WHY CURVY?

Cosmetic surgery has been around forever. Now, people don’t even bother questioning whether someone’s body is real or not because it has become normalized. Personally, I have no real problem with cosmetic surgery and I will never judge anyone for getting work done to THEIR body.  Recently, I had a conversation with a few people and we started discussing cosmetic surgery. I immediately ran to the defense of those who have got work done because I believe people can do whatsoever they please with THEIR body; However, the conversation shifted when we started to discuss people’s real reasoning behind surgery.  We specifically discussed BBLs, Tummy Tucks, Fat Transfers, Breast Augmentation etc. We concluded that there’s this new pressure to be curvy and have a perfect body. That’s the needed conversation.

I’d like to hear from you all, so after reading please comment below and give me your take on cosmetic surgery.

Let’s take Kim K’s and Kylie Jenner’s of the world, who has popularized these bodies that people are dying for. The bodies of which was sculpted and modeled after African/African American women (with a little extra). African/African-American women are naturally curvy and have been long before plastic surgery. For a long time, nobody saw it for what it really was. These bodies were not praised or uplifted UNTIL the Kim K’s and Kylie Jenner’s “set the standard.” 

 

People see how those who have these bodies are praised and fantasized; Furthermore, one may want the attention that they see others gain with their bodies. There’s also this idea of social capital and fame. For black women, I think they just want to finally be SEEN. We’ve been curvy for ages, so for non-black women to come in and be praised for something we’ve been had does hurt. Get it? It’s like ONCE AGAIN black women are not being appreciated.  

YOU CAN NOW FINANCE YOUR BBL, FAT TRANSFERS, BREAST AUG. ETC

If that’s allowed, more and more people are able to get cosmetic surgeries. If you also think about it, cosmetic surgery is also affordable! People travel to places like the DR where the cost is not as high. The dangers apply there just like it would in someone’s basement. Through research, I also learned that cosmetic surgery has become an act of survival. In foreign countries, Nigeria for example, women with bigger bums get more male attention. The male attention helps them financially take care of themselves and their families. I just think it’s very sad because there’s this new pressure that’s making real bodies go “out-of-style” and almost seem to be abnormal. I recently saw people coming for Yung Miami’s body and I was really puzzled. I just want all my readers to know that it’s okay to not have “The Perfect Body.” It is also okay to want/have cosmetic surgery if it is for the right reason.

“TOLD THAT LIL BIH STOP CLOUT CHASING”

We know the real you! Please relax. This one right here is a big one for me. Let’s be honest, there are people who were born with clout and that’s okay. There are others who fell into it naturally and are doing well. There are some who could care less! Then, there are people who fiend for clout and it really looks pathetic. I’ve seen people talk down on others just to gain a boost of tenorpopularity and it really got them nowhere. People like me read right through people and we can tell all that talking is CAP lol. I laugh when I think about clout chasing because people will go to the farthest extent all in the name of clout. Please remember that who you are as a person with never be exceeded by popularity or numbers. We get so caught up in these followers, likes, and money which leads people into forgetting who they really are as a person. I am very big on taking time off for myself. This time includes NO social media. Lol, I really feel like that is needed because it’ll remind us that we are still humans in the real world, with real time, and real people. 

Do you take time for yourself? 

If yes, tell me what this time consists of. 

 

Social Cleanses

I do not need social media because it is strictly for entertainment. Social Media is entertainment but there’s a lot of negativity on it as well. That’s why taking social cleanses and time away is always nice.

 

Screen-Shot-2016-05-04-at-10.19.10-AM-720x322

You decide how long you would like to go without your social accounts, but it is only effective if you find something productive to do in replacement. What you find productive is your own choice!   Just make sure it is something that does not involve being on ANY socials or devices. If you use social media for anything other than entertainment, for example, you have a business page. Take your social cleanse as a time to regroup and realign your business. Rebranding is often projected during social cleanses. You figure out what it is that you want to do using your social platform for your business.  Social Cleanses are very rewarding and it shows you how much time you spend on these apps. The best part is finding different things to put your time into. Unplug and just take a break from anything social! You will not regret. 

 

I love and appreciate every ounce support I get from readers! Took a little time off but I am back. I see every message and DM. They truly make my day which is why I try to respond to everbody. Have more articles coming SO stay tuned!

XOXO,

Fatu 

 

 

 

 

OK NOW LADIE$ & GENT$

OK NOW LADIE$ & GENT$

“MIND THE BUSINE$$ THAT PAYS YOU.”

Before I start, stop medling into people’s relationships! Let people be happy until they say they’re not. If not asked, do not give input. It is rude. 

IMG_0406

Welcome Back!

This week, I took time to write about getting back in your act after a breakup, heartbreak or even a setback. If we’re being completely honest, I have never been through heartbreak; However, I have been let down by people I had love for. Recently, I saw this tweet that stated situations hurt more because you know you would never do the person(s) the way they have done you. I can definitely attest that it is indeed FACTS. Being young, sometimes our feelings get discredited BUT I promise it is okay to be sad about a boy/girl that hurt you. Why? You have feelings and emotions too.  What is NOT okay is dwelling. When writing a lot of my articles, I reach out to people to ask of their personal opinion. For this piece, I asked a few people how they have dealt with moving on after a breakup/setback/heartbreak. 

IMG_0413

MY BIGGEST ADVICE TO MALES & FEMALES: 

“Never stop working on becoming a better man/woman!” – ME

Everything in life can be turned into a lesson. Do not sit in sorrow! Thank yourself & God for being able to see you OUT of a situation that obviously was not benefiting you. Whether you were the reason for the fall out or not, always see how you can do better going forward.

Here’s What I Mean:

If you happen to be the victim in the situation, vow to never discount yourself for such treatment. You’ve seen how you were treated, you don’t like it, now never settle! You may battle with insecurities and if so, take time for yourself! Many of us fear being alone for many different reasons. Find peace with being alone, find comfort in your own skin and not in the arms of another being, and find things you like to do. 

 Many might think: “Well, duh!” BUT that is not the reality for everyone. I will never bash anyone for going back into a situation because it is not an easy thing to do; However, if you do, make sure you lay down rules & let them know how you’re coming! 

tenor

If you happen to be the culprit or person in the wrong, take the time to understand how you hurt the person on the other end. Put yourself in that situation mentally and see how it affects you!

IMG_0404

GET BACK IN YOUR ACT BUT REMAIN HUMBLE

I asked a few people for input & I put together a list of things you can do to get over a breakup/setback/heartbreak.

  • Be sad but not for too long!
  • Don’t dwell. If so, the person still has a hold on you.
  • Always take time for you. It’s okay to move on, but give yourself time to get over. If not, you rush into something new with bad energy left from your old relationship. 
  • Learn from the situation
  • Reflect on what went wrong AND what went right
  • Find a hobby/interest
  • Work on your Busine$$
  • Get to a bag. Money makes people happy!
  • Find something you love/loved to do. This replaces that person in the least bit.
  • Surround yourself with genuine people
  • Plan a Girl’s Night
  • Plan a Night With The Guys
  • Never bad mouth, move on in peace please!
  • Mute the Ex
  • Be open to dating again after some time

IMG_0414

Toxicity is becoming a normality in our generation. 

Toxic People

Toxic Relationships

Toxic Situation-ships

Toxic Friendships

We live for the thrill of things, and I really blame social media/environment; Nonetheless, I have so much faith in our generation because I have seen many people eject themselves from those kind of situations. Our biggest issue is we want what we see, obtain it, then unfortunately realize it is not everything we thought it would be. I honestly hate to use real life example so I won’t! Couples may be cute but behind closed doors lies nothing but toxicity. Allow your own mistakes and experience(s) to be your example when it comes to dating. For a lot of us, we’ve seen more bad than good relationships when we were growing up, so we crave the love we see on TV and/or on social media.

Stop or else Instagram will hurt ya heart lol.

ALSO, DATING IS NOT MANDATORY.

It is okay to be alone and enjoy it. 

Live your life! Have Fun. 

IMG_0408

Love Languages

Love Languages

Just from conversation and experience, I find that our generation is in love with the idea of love. Everything that surrounds it excites us. We’re still super young, but most people already have their ideal fantasy. So many of us know exactly what we want from a partner or even just a friendship. I recently had a brief discussion about love languages, which prompt me to write about it!

smith-jada-pinkett-smith-best-pictures
Will & Jada, 1997 

What is Love Language?

Love Language is often used in marriage counseling or therapy, but people who have used it have found it to be beneficiary to their relationship (couples who are not married). In every relationship, both individuals have their own love language and it is important for the couple to understand one another’s language. If lacking understanding, it can cause high emotions and avoidable conflict.

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_15ocuf3hu5nkgkgscwcow8s44_640
Whitley & Dwayne, A Different World

The Actual Love Languages are:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Physical Touch

There are many different ways to discover your preferred “Love Language.” They even have quizzes online that you can take! It may not be completely accurate, but they are kind of fun to test out. I have attached a link to a quiz that you guys can take.

Love Language QUIZ

 

 

tumblr_n19bhcB7Ja1qd598uo1_1280.jpg

Words of Affirmation

“You look good!”

“I miss you and I wish you was here.”

ooo

IMG_0048.jpg

If you are someone who appreciate words, compliments, or just simple yet powerful communication you are in favor of Words of Affirmation. Personally, this is my favorite love language because it reassures a person who may need it every so often. If you are in a relationship with someone and they constantly reassure you, appreciate them! It is the perfect example of “It’s the little things that count.” If you find that your partner is somewhat insecure, even in the slightest, Words of Affirmation may help them significantly. Even if you’re someone who struggles with giving out compliments or just communication, it is a good start when trying to further a relationship. 

Tell your partner little things like, “I appreciate you.” 

“I was thinking about you earlier.” 

“Have a great day!”

ooooo
Goodmorning Text are ALWAYS easy.

 

Quality Time

In short, Attention. 

More Attention.

ALL of YOUR Attention. 

n_2_original_18477
Nia Long & Larenz Tate, Love Jones

Sounds excessive but in reality, it’s not if you enjoy the company of another person. You will want to be around someone if you truly like them. People make time for what they want. Simple. Keep in mind that Quality Time requires undivided attention from both individuals. Time is everything and it can easily be wasted; However, experience can come from these situations. Spend time with your partners! Talk! Put phones away.  PERSONAL OPINION: I hate the movies. Sorry but not sorry. I feel like I could do that alone. Dating is about getting to know someone which requires talking. We cannot do that at the movies. 

k.jpg
Martin & Gina, Martin

Acts of Service

Another great example of “It’s the little things that count.” Anybody who is close to me knows I love Chick-Fil-A and it would be an Act of Service if someone kindheartedly purchased me Chick-Fil-A *hint hint* Acts of Service: Doing things you know your partner appreciates without being told. These acts show your “love” or true feelings for he/she. There’s so many examples! Cooking your boos favorite meals, random phone calls, routine communication, assisting with school-work, WHATEVER THEY LIKE & YOU KNOW IT. 

It matters the most because it takes time, thought, and energy! 

“Actions Speak Louder Than Words”

Receiving Gifts

tenor.gif

EVERYONE LIKES GIFTS. DO NOT LET ANYBODY TELL YOU THEY DO NOT LIKE GIFTS. PEOPLE STILL LIKE SURPRISES. GET IT TOGETHER!

Gifts speak volume. Very loud volume. It is literally a symbol of your love for your partner. You thought about them and that’s what matters! The cost means little to nothing. City Girls got young men upset because they think we (as females) NEED a Chanel Bag (it would be nice) but we appreciate anything given because you took the time, thought, and energy once again. Gifting your partners SHOULD not stress you out. Pay attention to the things she/he likes. If you are new to such things, ask questions and learn how to go about it. To not try and to never gift is corny! 

Especially, if you’re one who brags about having the funds. Let’s be real.

That’s a totally different conversation though. 

2018-05-21-image-26
The Obama’s

Physical Touch

Did you know that Babies who are kissed, stroked, and held develop a healthier emotional life than those who are not? Tea for me LOL. Physical Touch is apart of communicating emotional love. There are people who find it VERY important and there are others who put it at the bottom of their list. Someone who sees it to be very important can/may feel “unloved” if their partner stops holding their hand, kissing them, or stop sexual intercourse. For those who struggle with insecurity, they gain security with physical touch. It is essential for those married because it is form of communicating marital love. For many reasons this language can be difficult, but it is a primary love language. 

171122-Nipsey-Hussle-Lauren-London-800x600.jpg
Nipsey & Lauren

 

Hopefully you guys picked up a few gems!

Enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing. this.

Have a conversation with your lil boo after reading this. LOL.

WelcomeImpassionedGypsymoth-small.gif

 

This Is America.

This Is America.

636810744387059427-EPA-USA-SHUTDOWN-CONGRESS.jpg

 Government Shutdown.

The longest government shutdown in

United States history. 

Care yet?

If you are unaware federal agencies look forward to funding from the Congress annually.

Examples of Federal Agencies: Dep of Education, Dep of Agriculture, Dep of Homeland Security, US Citizenship & Immigration Services, INS, SSA, etc. 

  • The House of Representative and Senate work together to formulate a budget, make changes, so it can be moved on to be signed by President Trump.
  • Present Trump is requesting 5.7 billion dollars for the wall he has been bragging about for years.

cbsn-fusion-government-shutdown-could-affect-food-stamp-program-tax-refunds-thumbnail-1751756-640x360The House and Senate (Heavy Republican) never really came to a majority on this Wall when they met to discuss the 2016-2018 budget. Now, The House has been placed into the hands of the Democrats. Think they supporting a wall that will affect so many people? They couldn’t come to a conclusion which means agencies were not funded.

SO WE ARE HERE AT STANDSTILL

 

minnies+food+pantry+plano+hug.jpg

I actually just learned this but workers who are furloughed are considered “non-expected” meaning they are not expected to come to work. On the other hand, those who stay at work are considered “expected” or “essential”  but individual agencies make such calls. If you are expected, it is most likely due to the severity of your job. Furloughed workers are not allowed to do any form of work including volunteering. Whether employees stay on the job or furloughed, they will not be getting paid.

 

Sounds crazy right? Imagine going to class, doing well on test and your teacher gives you an ‘F’ just because. That’s kinda how it feels. Actually, imagine working at your part-time job and receiving a check or direct deposit that states $0.00. Unfortunately, that’s real life.

gettyimages-1096612378-e1548268841353.jpg

Keep in mind, this is over a wall. I’m sure we all know this by now, but let’s deep it for a second. This shutdown is affecting approximately 800,000 employees. As time has passed, many furloughed workers have been called back to work.

WITHOUT PAY. 

GettyImages_1080053888.0.jpg

IF CONTINUES WHO IS AFFECTED

  • Food Stamps will be cut by March
  • Care about your food? Well The FDA has suspended routine food inspections
  • National parks and Monuments
  • Delay on GDP report
  • Staffing Shortage
    • TSA (Greatly affected)
    • Prison Workers (Prison assaults has increased since the shutdown)
    • FAA
  • Justice Department
    • Attorneys and Judges are not working. This means many many cases are just sitting.
  • Affordable Housing

 

There’s so much I could say, but updates come through every single day which shifts the dynamic of the shutdown. Just want to encourage everyone to stay informed!

This is America.

 

Managing Relationships!

Managing Relationships!

This information is heavily directed to college students; However, I believe it could be of use to those who are still in High-School and practically anybody who values the relationships in their life! 

unknown

I’m a firm believer that communication without understanding can hinder the communication between individuals.

So many people say I suck at texting and calling which I can confess to being true. I won’t say college has worsened or helped my communication skills, but it has taught me the importance of communication with UNDERSTANDING. 

fullsizeoutput_25f5

I’ve always hated texting and I still do. Forcing conversations is pretty rude, right? One thing for sure is that I do not lack communication; However, I can attest that the communication between myself and some people lack an understanding.

Managing relationships with family, friends, or partners can be very difficult as you begin “adult-ing.” For college students, this can be even more difficult because the distance factor may be an issue. So, how do you guys successfully manage your relationships?

ANYTHING STATED IS BASED OFF MY COMMUNICATION WITH OTHERS & I RECEIVED INPUT FROM CLOSE FRIENDS/FAMILY.

For one, try to create an understanding with those you are in relationships with. Meaning, explain to them that there may be a shift in communication, but keep them actively involved the best way you know how. For me, those who are close to me (a partner, my friends, family etc.) are important and I have vowed to try to tell them that more. I also have to show them! We have to understand that no communication leads to many thoughts, whether we mean to or not. That’s why so many relationships reach a point of no return when they could’ve held a simple conversation. People make time for what they would like to make time for. That is a fact BUT sometimes people really do not have the time to sit and talk all day. Let the people around you in on that. Never leave those important people in your life wondering. Why not? Because you care about them and how they feel!

Next, make sure the conversations you guys do hold have substance. Ask them about updates in their life and LISTEN. Too many people struggle with that. If you can’t listen, the communication is pointless. This part is super important, in my opinion, because you catch up. Tell your family how’s school going, so they’ll understand why you may or may not call as much. If it’s someone you’re close with, it’ll feel just like old times. I love seeing friends/family who I don’t see as often. Once we’re together the vibe is great which is how it is supposed to be. This step should be the most comfortable part.

Check in! One of my closest friends told me that the best thing a person could do is shoot a text or even call people that may cross their mind. Instead of wondering how an individual is doing, you can actually know through communicating.

Accept people for who they are; However, do not force toxic relationships because you are selling yourself short. Sometimes, especially adults, we think relationships cannot be cut off because of the time stamp that has been placed. The years you and somebody share mean a lot but not everything.

For example, people who you may have just met or barely know may support you more than those who have known you for years.

People grow apart and that is completely fine! You have learned and gained from the relationship, but it may be time to move on. 

Side-note: Would you guys want to hear about dating in college?

Only thing I will say about dating as a young adult or college student, and I do not know a lot because I am still young,  it won’t be peaches and creams all the time. Even with communication and understanding, there will be difficulties because we are in our growing years. Some of us are hitting our prime. Some of us are “living our best life” and that is completely fine. Just remember that you should never disregard the feelings of someone you claim to care about. You will try everything in your power to keep a healthy relationship with those who mean something to you. Period

The moment you feel like you are no longer happy in any situation, let the other person know! Do not lead them on. Do not give false hope.

You are simply wasting their time & that is completely selfish! 

HAPPINESS FIRST LADIES & GENTS

c8251f82-3e02-47f9-869a-0d4632935c71.jpg

That’s a wrap for this one! Let me know how you guys manage relationships. Leave comments below. Thank you very much. 

Let’s Discuss The Survivors of #SurvivingRKelly

Let’s Discuss The Survivors of #SurvivingRKelly

Disclaimer: There’s a certain level of respect needed when a discussion of this nature is taking place. There’s a certain level of maturity needed as well. In any case where you are involved in a conversation like such, keep in mind that the survivor (I don’t like the word victim) could be your sister, brother, mother, or anyone in your circle. Even YOU. 

r-kelly-raped-cousin-678x381.jpg
Robert Kelly

R.Kelly has been in the music industry for a long time. I vividly remember my mom would play “Step In The Name of Love” at parties and gatherings we would have. Every adult present would immediately get excited. I remember the times he would come on in the car and she would automatically turn him up. R.Kelly gave us feel good music. Feel good music last forever, which is why our generation knows of R.Kelly and his music. While listening, we do not think much of the person behind the music. The real person. How could R.Kelly turn to be this monster we know today?

Earlier this week, my mom came home and we both decided to join in on the conversation and watch “Surviving R.Kelly.”  Personally, I am always hesitant to watch stuff surrounding that issue because it’s sickening to think that it goes on everyday around us and nothing is being done. Every single day in our own communities. Molestation, rape, pedophilia, human trafficking, abuse, and assault all of which take place right before us. What grinds my gears the most is that the conversations shifts into two directions usually. Either victim blaming or we don’t mention the victims at all and only focus on the prey. In this case, R.Kelly is getting all the attention he lacked growing up. Let that sink in. His streaming revenue has increased in high numbers which is very normal whenever a biopic or documentary is released. It is a really unfortunate situation, and most have responded with #MuteRKelly in effort to put a stop to all things R.Kelly. I, too, really agree for such actions to be put into place but that’s not my biggest concern. Little do we know, we have been muting bigger issues for years.

I was in complete disgust as I watched LifeTime this week, but I was not “surprised” at all. There’s been a lot of “surprised” industry people all over my timeline, and it confuses me. People who encountered with this man musically and on a personal level actually want me to believe they saw no signs? R.Kelly was a cry for help that happened. Now, everyone is responsible! R.Kelly is not a survivor because look at what he’s done to innocent people. Yes, he’s rapist and there’s no excuse for that; However, is a victim as well who needed to seek help before it became too late. At a tender age, he was assaulted by a female relative. Being an African American male comes with a lot, just as being an African American female comes with a lot. R.Kelly was expected to have tough skin. Instead of seeking help or just finding someone to talk to, he became what he knew and that’s the problem right there. With a little bit of money, he became an enabler to these females. I will never blame survivors! Never. I will say that the parents, bodyguards, assistants, teachers who saw him picking up girls, industry people who came into the studio and witnessed firsthand, and even Robert’s own family ALL need to admit to their wrongdoing. Money should never shift your common sense. Wrong is wrong. People want to act surprised when they seen all of these signs prior, but never said anything to help those little girls. He’s a pedophile and has been for years. I cannot fathom why people would let money overpower them like that. Fame and money aside, these are problems that have been muted for years. It is absolutely sickening because it is hurting people. Your people. My people. Our people.

Keeping silent or “acting like it didn’t happen” can no longer be a coping mechanism. Period.

Can we all agree that Huey been told us?! 

I really pray the survivors obtain the healing they need. Real mental, spiritual, and emotional healing. The aftermath of sexual misconduct of any kind is another level of trauma. They’ll never forget what happened to them. Never. Proper healing can definitely help them move forward; However, proper healing rarely occurs because survivors have to endure the trauma alone due to the fear of being blamed and made to be looked at as a liar. Childhood trauma occurs at a very early stage in one’s life which makes it hard for them to deal with it, but what makes it even harder is when they are not allowed to speak on their pain. Imagine what it does to survivors mentally. Studies show that even at a young age, the feeling of not being able to defend yourself during a traumatic experience sone that scars the child forever. They live in fear and terror, sometimes feeling helpless and worthless (The National Child Traumatic Stress Network), 2001. Nobody deserves to a live their life scared, especially when they are at places where they should find comfort. All of this is not new. Your sister should not have to worry about running into the man who’s sexually demonized her at a FAMILY event every single year. That’s sick! Your mother, brother, cousin, YOU or anyone for that matter should not have to either. The community we dwell in will forever play a role in this if we do not speak out and most importantly open the room for THIS conversation. Speak with family members about the history of sexual assault. This is specifically for my African/African Americans because we are centuries in. Seek the needed help now. Living in fear will only continue to destroy us.

Ignorance will forever be present in this world we live in, but when it comes to sexual assault I rather not entertain ignorance. To be very honest, it’s not even worth my time. Also, let’s acknowledge that yes, black men are usually sought out to be the bad guy; However, R.Kelly is the bad guy here.

SO YALL CAN PARK THAT. 

Let’s spend less time tweeting and liking post on the issue, and more time sitting with those we love to elaborate on this issue at hand. Educate your people about sexual assault and how it affects families all over this world. That can and will be step one towards community healing. 

32f21f70-5345-0134-5e94-06caa2286297

The Tea on Tu! PT 1

The Tea on Tu! PT 1

DCAEBC0A-9429-4BC5-9FDA-79D799C9DD9A.JPG

 

WELCOME BACK LADIES & GENTS!


“I used to want the words ‘She tried’ on my tombstone. Now I want ‘She did it.’” – Katherine Dunham

Earlier today, I went to my dentist due to a toothache.  I left in pain because the dentist thought it was a great day to pull my two wisdom teeth out. Everyone who really knows me knows I have been avoiding that because I HATE pain.
I cried literally for three hours straight. I feel horrible. Yes it is due to the pain, but I could not stop thinking about mothers who give birth. Everyone describes it to be the most painful experience. How the heck am I supposed to go
through that one day when I cannot even bear this
kind of pain?


Anyway, I commend ALL the mothers! The real GOAT.

woman in peach color and red floral sweatshirt holding gray jacket
Photo by Godisable Jacob on Pexels.com
YEA SO THAT’S NOT ME ABOVE

There’s people who can talk about themselves for hours, but then there’s people like me who choke up. I am literally the most extrovert-introvert you could possibly meet. Super selective with those I share information with, so take this as a golden ticket. I am serving full tea on ME. Throughout this article (& Part 2), I will be throwing pictures of me in just to give a face to the name. I mean, who doesn’t want to see this face? Jokes.  

2d21e1f0-1ea5-41c4-a6a4-64b3c71a70be
Carefree. Cute. 2 Year old Tu.

I always say that I wish to be as carefree as I was when I was a little girl. The sad reality is that’s almost impossible because the 19 year old me has so much going on around me every single day.

 Fatu or “Tu” is what I have gone by since the day I was born. My real day ones may remember when my family called me “Tutu” which I absolutely hated. Even now, I don’t like just anybody calling me Tu; However, I can’t be mad because I allow it majority of the time. I remember being in grade school and hating my name.

Quick break, be proud of your name. ALWAYS. Do not allow teachers to hit you with, “I’ll just call you —-” NEVER. Make sure them people call you by your name! 

If I had that attitude prior to learning of the origin of my name, the story would not be as interesting. Curious people would always ask me questions like “What does your name mean?” or “Where is that name from?” I would never have a direct answer because I really did not know.

Only thing I would say is “It’s an African name,” which led to stupid looks and dumb questions/comments like:

“You’re African?” 

“You don’t even look African.”

“Your family lives in huts too?” 

I have always disliked ignorant people. Still do. Only difference now is that I take time to educate people about the most beautiful place in the world, Africa. 

I was born in Philadelphia, Pa but I always felt close to home, West Africa. My family is deeply rooted in our West African culture. The food, traditions, customs, clothing, dialect, languages, tribes, and much more can never be compared. My entire being comes from home. Despite being born here, I have been there to visit once and plan on returning soon. I always encourage people to go home and see what me and others are raving about. There’s literally NO place like home. 

527c0452-069e-445f-94f3-1fb0d03b9336

Back to the origin of my name! So basically, my name is derived from Fatimah but it was shortened to Fatu. I was named after my late grandmother, who I was not fortunate enough to meet. Fatimah, the beloved daughter of the prophet Muhammad, holds a significant role in the Islamic faith. Fatimah or al-Zahra, which means “Shining One,” was only five when the Prophet received the revelation, so she grew up within the faith of Islam. Fatimah is known as “Sayyidatun Nisa al Alamin,” which means Leader of The Women of the Worlds.  After learning more and more about the history of my name, you could not tell me anything! I am not of the Muslim faith, but I have many family members who are practicing members of the beautiful religion.  There’s really no coincidence when it comes to my name and it’s meaning. As an embodiment of my name, I took interest in Political Science and Journalism. I yearn to speak on behalf of the vulnerable and the voiceless. By creating my platform, I will shed light on women and the issues they encounter daily. My long term goals are traveling to countries where women are denied access to education because they are female, and to teach young girls that we can be heard and not just seen. If I am able to fulfill these goals, I believe I will have contributed something of lasting value to our society, especially to women. To close on that, I really urge everyone to learn more about the origin of their name.

In another article, I will touch base on being caught between two worlds aka “Being An African Girl Here in America.” I feel like that article will be super relatable because I have had discussions with many people, especially females like myself, who notice that there is a huge difference. STAY TUNED. 

 

QUICK FACTS:

  1. Fatu is a Middle Child (ARTICLE ON MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROM! SO STAY TUNED)
  2. Fatu is a Scorpio – 11/16/99img_6609
  3. Fatu is a calm 5’5.
  4. Fatu spends a lot of my time on Youtube (You can actually learn just about anything on there, let me tell you!)
  5. Fatu is a Christian.
  6. Fatu’s favorite color is currently Pink.
  7. Fatu has a fury friend named Simba whom she loves dearly!
    1. Simba is a Bichon Poodle Mix
    1. He’ll be 1 in February
    1. Sometimes she wishes he can respond back to her
  8. Fatu is the best Aunty a kid can have.
  9. Fatu has a really bad sweet-tooth
  10. Fatu loves traveling! I really want to go to Ibiza & Greece right now.

 

Honestly truly, Unforgettable is probably my favorite song ever in life.

 

KIN

img_2151
PROM
img_2241
WITH
img_2216
THE
img_2209
ONES
fullsizeoutput_1bf
I LOVE

Through the good and bad, God has always showed me genuine love through these people. Family means so much to me! Prom was definitely a revelation of the importance of family. The whole ordeal was super stressful, but my family made sure the entire day turned out beautiful. I bless God everyday for providing me with such a strong support system. If I literally lost everything, I know I will still be cool because of these crazy people. Now, every good has its bad. Family can be the same people that hurts you the most! That’s for later…NEXT

I have been a Catholic “Private” school student for majority of my life. It has it’s pros and cons to be very honest, but it depends on who you talk to. The only thing I’m grateful for are the many connections I’ve built from grade school thru high school. Also, now that I have to pick out an outfit everyday, I appreciate the uniforms I had to wear for years. 

High-school was definitely the best and worst four years of my life. May sound cliche but I found myself during that time. High-school forces you to experience and learn many different things. Some of which can be good or bad. One thing about me, I’ve never been a follower and I was never really fascinated with what the crowd was doing. There’s so much going on around us during those four years. The most important thing I learned was how I wanted to be treated by those around me. That’s really important as you begin “adulting” because people tend to take advantage. Always be kind but never let people take it for weakness. Along with being a young adult comes decision making. You are the overall dictator  of how you want OTHERS to treat YOU. Let that sink in.

Just like how they say “What you allow WILL continue” 

I gained great friends who encouraged me to do better, made me feel good, and ultimately helped me enjoy the time I had to spend at that hell hole. Archbishop Carroll gave me lifelong friendships and bonds that I am very grateful for! 

 

A Few Pet Peeves/Dislikes

  1. Being woken out of my sleep
  2. Ignorant comments & statements
  3. Loud chewing and smacking
  4. Slow drivers
  5. Messy bathrooms
  6. Loud phone conversations
  7. Spoilers
  8. Joe people 

ALOT MORE (I’ll give you more in the Pt.2 article)

Processed with VSCO with c1 preset

 

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2

Until then, I’d appreciate if readers would leave their names in the comment sections and maybe tell me a fact or pet peeve of yours. Just want to create a comfortable space for us. Thanks so much for reading.

– Fatu Wandaw